Chuck Norris Jokes – Page Two

  1. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling “Bang!”
  2. The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
  3. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
  4. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this glitch, Norris replied “That’s no glitch.”
  5. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  6. Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
  7. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
  8. A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  9. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes. He disembowels them.
  10. Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
  11. Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11…. A suicide.
  12. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  13. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.
  14. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
  15. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
  16. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  17. CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
  18. Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken’s famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
  19. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
  20. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
  21. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
  22. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.
  23. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  24. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
  25. Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.